


sunshines

by hyacinths



Category: Hunter X Hunter
Genre: Alluka's POV, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-08-17
Updated: 2016-08-17
Packaged: 2018-08-08 12:06:16
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 894
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7757242
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/hyacinths/pseuds/hyacinths
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Love, through Alluka's eyes.</p>
            </blockquote>





	sunshines

**Author's Note:**

> Ah, apparently I have thing for numbers.  
> And sorry for any mistakes, it's not my first language.  
> Thanks for reading.

Alluka liked to think she's seen the sun shine brightly three times. First, when she is born, when the closest and most familiar sensation she knows is first felt in her heart. Nanika has always been the first sunshine Alluka saw.

 

Next, is her brother. Young, smiling bright blue eyes, always holding her hand, wiping off her tears, kissing her wounds.

The time he came back, all smiling and gentle, saving her from what she used to call home. 

He tells her he needed to save someone. 

She realizes now, why Killua's eyes are duller than she remembers, why his touch is a little colder, and why his smiles aren't the ones he makes when he's completely happy. It's because of this person, Gon. 

The dying husk of a person she saw on blood riddled bed, leaking desperation and sorrow to everyone near that even Nanika could feel it.

The way Killua looked at Gon then, Alluka knew. 

It felt bright, too bright. Alluka realizes, the brighter the star, the closer it is to dying. 

She didn't need to hear their stories to know just how close they are, one look, and it told her everything. Because it's something she's familiar with, a closeness so irreplaceable, she still doesn't know how it must've felt to just leave each other.

She thinks she can't handle losing Nanika, that's why she is always holding her brother's hand even when they're not in a crowded place or crossing the road. 

But Killua has always been strong. A heart made of everything, so kind and so broken.

Killua thinks being strong is biting his tongue when Gon said goodbye. So when she squeezed his hand after Gon is gone, Killua squeezes back, hiding his face behind his ashen hair. 

That night, Killua gets them seperate rooms, explaining to her that he kicks when he's asleep. Alluka smiles, she understands. 

She understands when Killua is staring at a cereal box for too long when he thinks she's still sleeping, even if she's sitting in front of him. She understands when Killua would space out when they're walking along seasides or lakes. She understands when Killua told her stories and faltered at some parts.

She understands when Killua comes crying to her. 

Alluka doesn't ask, she just understands.

And he's always asking, "Alluka, am I a bad brother?" And she is always saying, "No, brother is the best!" Because he is.

And Killua smiles, a smile that says, _I'm glad._ And it's enough, at least for now.

_~_

When she is thirteen, she asks Killua if she's the reason he and Gon had to part ways. He answers no, that it was his decision and that Gon needed his space and time alone with his father. Alluka nodded like she understood.

When she is fifteen, she thinks back to it and assumes Killua is lying. That if she wasn't around, Killua would still be with Gon. She doesn't say it.

When she is seventeen, Killua comes crying to her, and she finally understands. Killua needed her just as much as she needed him. 

"I miss him. I...it's stupid. But I do." Killua tells her after his tears have dried. He combs his hand through his hair. "I'm thinking m-maybe I should call him, but I, I don't know. We haven't talked for a while, I kept ignoring him because I thought it would help me somehow, but I—" Killua sighs, and looks at her with gentle eyes. "I miss him." 

Somehow, it felt like a question.

Alluka reaches for Killua's hand, and holds it between hers.

"Brother, you love Gon, right?" Alluka doesn't ask _Brother, do you love Gon?_ Because Killua would find it harder to answer. He manages a weak nod.

"There's your answer." She smiles at him.

Alluka doesn't know a lot about love. She knows she loves Nanika, and Killua. She knows it's what makes living worth it, she knows it's what makes the girl who just got a ring beam like she received heaven in her hands, she knows it's what makes everyone go through the rain and travel for hours just to get somewhere.

She knows it's what makes someone go through hell and the brink of death for a person only to come back and still love them just the same.

She knows it's what her brother feels for Gon.

Killua bows his head, closing his eyes before nodding. "Thanks, Alluka." He plants a kiss on her forehead, whispering something that sounded like, _Sorry for waking you up._

He tucks her in, and heads for his room. Alluka liked to think Killua told Gon a lot of things that night. He probably did, because the next morning, Gon Freecss is knocking at their door like his life depended on it.

Alluka remembers most of it, Gon is flustered and sweating when he sees Alluka, he smiles at her before asking for Killua. Next thing Alluka knows, Killua is standing at the other end of the room, staring at Gon like he was impossible. Gon strided to Killua, stopping when he is two steps away from him. 

"Killua..." Alluka goes back to her room, closing it behind her. But she sees it.

She thinks that's the third sunshine she's seen, not quite her own, but when Killua smiles like that, it's as good as hers.


End file.
